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Managing Emotion: A Different Kind of Management

Proverbs 31 woman: SETS THE PACE AT HOME AND AT WORK, MANAGES PEOPLE RESPONSIBLY

It's easy to talk about time management, money management, etc.  And that's what I had planned to keep discussing as the month came to an end.  But God has placed it in my heart to discuss something a lot more personal and sensitive: managing emotions. 

I've always felt deeply, analyzed religiously, worried and feared and rejoiced and hoped to a greater extent than many women (or at least it feels that way!).  For example, when I was single, I worried and feared that I would never find "him."   Dating was, for me, a roller coaster of emotions - hope, joy, disappointment, fear, anger, depression -- and then hope all over again when another prospect appeared. I didn't let myself wait on the Lord (it felt unproductive and lonely), and I didn't manage my emotions well.  I let the pendulum swing back and forth wildly - I think it made me feel ALIVE to "feel" so many intense things.  It was addictive.  I blamed God, others, anybody but me (the victim).  My sharp tongue, quick wit, and strong convictions re: Godly standards turned into weapons instead of blessings. Nurturing my emotional swings fed my ADD need for stimulation, too. 

What it didn't do was bring me peace or satisfaction or ANYTHING worthwhile. It certainly didn't change or accelerate or direct God's plan for me.  I drove myself and everyone around me nuts, and I robbed myself of joy and peace & relationships I could have been enjoying  in the meantime. 

You might say "Oh, that's easy for you to say NOW - you did find love, and you got married, and now you don't have to deal with those feelings anymore."

So untrue.  I wish I could say that my failure to manage my emotions "back then" was circumstantial, not a heart issue that runs deep. Marriage has revealed to me just how sinful and issue-laden I truly am. The difference now is that, instead of blaming men or God or myself for the anger, pain, or boredom I feel,  the only things I have to blame are my husband and my marriage.  And that has proven to be much more problematic.

See, I went from being a little fish in a huge aquarium with thousands of other fish, to sharing a fishbowl with ONE other fish.  Talk about dangerous threat to the blind eye I turn toward my sin!  It's forcing me to deal with some ugly, sickly little parts of me that I excused for a long, long time - and it's forcing me to admit that if I don't deal with the heart issues I brought into the fishbowl, I'm going to poison the ENTIRE BOWL - and the other fish, too.

The thought alone makes my heart skip a beat.  The thought that I could cause my amazing husband unnecessary pain, that I could poison the water, that all of that could happen because of MY UNADDRESSED SIN.  But, you know what? I already have been hurtful, insensitive, unfair, unsteady, and unkind. I've had to apologize so many times, I've obsessed over the potential effect of things I've said in anger but can't take back.   Just 6 months in, I'm subjecting us to the wildly-swinging pendulum of emotion that I thought would magically stop once I found myself in a great, committed marriage to a Godly man. This verse is the one God painfully whacked me with recently:

Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Turns out, the abundance of my heart ain't pretty sometimes.

 

I love my handsome bowl-mate (the orange one - I'm totally more green/pink), and I want our fishbowl to stay clean and healthy - so, instead of ignoring and excusing and justifying as I have for years, I must learn to manage my emotions.  Before I inflict wounds that never heal, before I ruin the water for good.

Managing emotions does not mean denying their existence or ignoring them.  It means that we acknowledge them and learn to keep them under our control. So, in other words, it means that we assume command of our feelings and reactions, and decide how we will respond to situations and events in everyday life, in a healthy manner.

To that end, I've done some categorizing.

In my heart, there are 2 sets of emotional "files." 

In File A are the emotional responses and habits that I want to keep but use wisely.  Desire to help others.  Boldness to speak up for love & morality and holiness when others are silent.  Childlike wonder, playfulness & lightheartedness.  Sadness when something truly painful happens.  Stubbornness when something or someone is worth fighting for. Willingness to say I'm wrong and ask forgiveness. Ability to self-assess and admit when I'm causing problems instead of solutions.  Reasonable "fear" of the potential consequences of my words and actions and thoughts.  Ability to learn from my mistakes and those of others.

In File B are emotions and feelings that I want to get rid of and give NO PLACE in my mind.  Bitterness.  Jealousy.  Addiction.  Neediness.  Lack of self-control (of my tongue in particular).  Desire to be "right."  Desire to be acknowledged and affirmed constantly.  My ability to identify and push the buttons of people I love the most.  Laziness in doing kind things.  Paralyzing fear of rejection.  Constant need to ensure I'm being treated "fairly."  My tendancy to dwell on past offenses.  Anger & acting out when life brings pain, instead of faith in God for answers. Dissatisfaction. Defensiveness.

These are the files I have been given to work with.  Some of them I was born dealing with. Some of them are things I've allowed to take root in my heart.  God knows what I'm up against, and he knows that I'm capable of "emptying" File B - with His help.  Until I do, I will have to work on managing them so that they don't poison the bowl.

How do YOU manage your emotions?  Do you ignore the ugly poisonous ones until they come bubbling out of you, like lava out of a volcano?  Or do you work to get rid of them completely so that they don't even threaten to appear? 

My sister had 2 good points to make about this.  First, when we're talking about an emotion like, say, bitterness, it's not about "regulating" bitterness,it's about understanding where it comes from, and then getting rid of it completely.  Trying to manage it and work with it is asking for trouble - it's still there, and will almost definitely surface at some point.  For example, I have some unresolved bitterness toward someone who said something very hurtful to me in the past.  This bitterness results in a very unfair assumption that my husband might one day say that same thing to me.  So, I treat him defensively, causticly, angrily, as though he eventually intends to hurt me.  If I tried to simply regulate this feeling, I would undoubtably fail and the bitterness/fear would continue to surface at the most inappropriate moments, poisoning our marriage and benefitting nobody.  I must resolve the bitterness at its root, and eradicate it for good.  I have to know what God says about THAT emotion - "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all urgency" (Eph 4) - and then understand how it applied to the recipient of the command, and to me in turn. To help, here are other verses that discuss controlling emotions. 

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Galatians 5:16-24 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ...

Proverbs 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Ephesians 6:11-17 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ...

Ephesians 4:1-32 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, ...

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

2 Peter 1:5-9 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.

1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...

Galatians 5:17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ...

Romans 8:1-39 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ...

Romans 13:4 For he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Proverbs 12:16 The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.

Matthew 5:1-48 Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. ...

Ephesians 5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.

Luke 1:15 For he will be great before the Lord. And he must not drink wine or strong drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb.

1 Peter 4:15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler.

Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Genesis 3:1-24 Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” ...

Romans 8:9-11 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

If you're a Christian, studying this in His Word is a great way to know God's character better as you do something to better yourself and your relationships (which, if you're a Christian, you know is really impossible without Him anyway). 

Second, she suggested that one way of eliminating those toxic "File B" emotions is to actively replace the emotion with its oppositewhen it hits.  For example, if you find yourself feeling jealous of your friend's nice car, you might think or say something snarky like "Gosh, it must be nice to be so overpaid and debt-free that you can drive a new Mercedes."  When this temptation hits, instead of just trying to ignore it and think about something else, actively force yourself to think the opposite. "She has really been through some tough things in the past, and the future is not guaranteed.  I am happy that she's able to have fun in a new car right now, and I hope that she really enjoys this blessing from God."  Get in this habit, and see if you can train your heart to react in a way that is best for you and your relationships.

Here's to managing emotions - and wholesale DELETING others.  This means a shift in perspective, and change in attitude, and a thankfulness to God for a husband and family and friends who patiently love me as I work to become the healthy, Godly person He wants me to be. I know it might not always be graceful or poetic - so many parts of me are base and unrefined - but God is still being loving and gentle with me at this point, allowing me to see my sin before I do permanant, deep, long-term damage.  I pray that He'll give me the grace to get there, and that I am never so stubborn and stupid that I force Him to show me exactly what damage my uncontrolled emotions could and would do, given the chance. 

RECIPE: Squash & Sausage UnCasserole

So the word "casserole" may make you shudder.  It may call to mind some canned-soup mixture that your grandma whipped up every holiday, or a gelatinous pasta or rice-filled dish with canned meat and processed cheese involved.  You're going to have to get over that, because today's casserole is carb-free, low-calorie, and not at all gelatinous.  And I made it my all-by-self!

SQUASH-SAUSAGE UNCASSEROLE

You need (for 2 servings):

2 small summer squash, chopped into 1" pieces

2 links of chicken sausage (andouille, or whatever flav you like) cut into 1" pieces

1/4 onion (white or yellow) finely chopped

EVOO

1-2 TBSP green curry powder or paste

1/2 c white wine or sherry - chicken broth will do, too

6 leaves of mint (preferably fresh, but dry is ok), chopped

1 small "tube" of  plain goat cheese

Preheat oven to 375.  Bring a pot of water to a boil & add the squash, cooking for 5 minutes or so.  Drain and set aside.  In the same pot, drizzle 1-2 tbsp EVOO and add the onions, sauteeing until translucent.  Add the sausage, curry powder, and sherry (or wine or broth) and cook for a few minutes letting the liquid reduce to about half.   Add a little salt at the end. Throw some over your shoulder for good luck.

In a small casserole dish, pour the squash in a single layer, covering the bottom of the dish.  Salt and pepper the squash to taste.  Over the squash pour the sausage mix, spreading it out evenly over the squash.  Crumble goat cheese over the sausage (crumbling goat cheese is messy, finger-licking business, y'all!) and stick that whole "casserole" into the oven for about 20 minutes.  When the cheese is a bit melty and starting to brown, it's ready.

Let it cool for a few minutes, then dish it up!  Simple, full of protein, and so un-casseroley.  What more could you ask?

It's GOOD.  I am saving most of it for the freezer so D can nosh on it sometime when I'm traveling, but I had to taste it - the chef, you understand, must be pleased with her dish.  And this one is a HOME RUN!

xoxo

 

 

 

Interview with an Organizer

My Aunt Debra has a knack for the arts - specifically, the art of managing a home.  With 4 grown kids (all homeschooled by her!) a busy husband, and a few interstate moves under her belt, she's really mastered a balance between home and heart.  I'm so thrilled that she's offered to share some of her thoughts with me as part of this month's Proverbs 31 trait study.

Proverbs 31 woman: SETS THE PACE AT HOME AND AT WORK, MANAGES PEOPLE AND TIME RESPONSIBLY; HER EFFORTS AND INDUSTRIOUSNESS CONTRIBUTE TO AND/OR HELP TO MANAGE THE HOUSEHOLD FINANCES

Me: Let's start with a general take on what it means to manage time.

Aunt D:   It is good to look at time much as you would look at a closet or pantry.  Just as you can only fill a space with so much stuff, so you can only fill time with a certain amount of activities.  And because you can't reuse time like you can reuse space, it is important to have a good balance of work and rest.  God invites us to use time as an opportunity to deepen our relationship with Him as we seek His guidance as to our priorities and commitments.

It isn't possible to do every important, meaningful, fun, interesting, needed activity out there.  We have to make choices--saying yes to one means saying no to another.  As we walk with the Lord in this, though, we have opportunity to see His grace at work and become more and more of who He made us to be.  And just as it is necessary to do an occasional  resorting of a space, so it is necessary to occasionally take a good look at our time and our commitments.

  
Me: How do you "set the pace" at home?

Aunt D: Having a rhythm to the week helps keep things working peaceably since everyone knows the pattern for the day.  When the children were little, I had my own schedule for the day, but would plan the main blocks of the day based on Bob's work schedule and home school.  Other than chores and school, the children were free to fill their time as they chose, but within a framework for the day.  That gave a good mix of structure and spontaneity. 
 
Me: What tools/methods did you try and then decide not to use? Why?

Aunt D: Most of the years that the children were home, I tried to create a weekly schedule where I had to get everything scheduled for that week done, but found that it put a lot of pressure on me to keep up with things so that one day's to-dos didn't end up fall into the next day which was already full as it was.  Now I have a weekly schedule but keep each day separate from the others.  For example, if I don't get Monday's house cleaning done, I wait until the next Monday to do it.  Housework will keep up to a certain point. :-) 

 
Me: What tools/methods did you try and then adopt long term?  Why?

Aunt D: Since I work best with structure, I have always had a daily schedule of some kind.  It has often been shifted or tweaked due to whatever is going on, but currently I have really worked to match my mental/physical energy during the day to that day's tasks.  For me that has ended up being that I do my creative activities in the morning when I have the most energy, and do the housework in the afternoon.  Since the housework is an "essential" task to me and generally doesn't require a lot of mental energy, I find I am able to push myself a little more to get it done, where I would tend to let my creative work slide if I am tired.  I have to say that I love using my iPad for creating my schedule as it allows me to tweak things very easily. 

 
Me: Who manages the finances in your home?  How was this decided?

Aunt D: During the homeschool years, Bob managed the finances, though I kept up with certain areas, like clothing or groceries.  With his having to travel for work, we have split this up more.  I still manage the accounts I work with directly, but I also post our monthly budget while he takes care of the banking and bill paying. 

 
Me: What has been the biggest challenge for you in "managing" time & money?  (I.E. disagreements re: methods/rules, crazy schedules, limited storage space, moving, balancing hobbies/work, etc.)

Aunt D: While home schooling, the biggest challenge was keeping up with things.  I always felt that I was trying to fit six pounds of flour in a five pound bag and was constantly shifting my schedule around trying to pick up the things that fell through the cracks.  Recently I have found a good balance between my creative work and my house work.  Our biggest challenge right now is a lack of time to invest in relationships.  Bob's travel makes the weekends too full to do more than keep up with family.  One thing, though I have learned over the years is that life is full of seasons that come and go.  One of the best things that Bob and I started very early on that has helped a lot with finances is that we give each other a monthly allowance that we can freely use as we please.  This prevents any tension or arguments about personal spending. 

 
Me: How does your relationship with God affect your approach to time/people/financial management?

Aunt D: Not only am I very structured, but I am also strongly introverted.  I thrive on solitude, but when solitude turns into isolation it becomes unhealthy.  Thus my quilt group is a very important part of my week since it gets me out of the house and with people.  Being flexible in the day, though, has always been a challenge, but I realize that unless I freely keep my schedule open to the Lord, it ends up becoming an idol.  Even so, it has been difficult for me to balance interruptions to my day.  Recently the Lord enabled me to see my daily schedule with the same viewpoint as my weekly schedule.  If an interruption, say a phone call, comes during my quilting time, I just quilt for whatever time is left or leave it until the next time I plan to get to it.  I don't try to force it into the rest of the day.  Letting it go relieves a lot of pressure on myself both in the way of time and expectations. 

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I hope you enjoyed reading her perspectives on management - I know I did!  Here is a link to her blog, where she has some great posts (+ photos!) on organizing.  You can click on the label to the right to get to just those posts.  http://elzbeesplace.blogspot.com/

 

In a few days I'll share my Pinterest "organizing" board, my list of organizing/time management  websites, and other resources I've discovered.  To whet your appetite, I'll start with this list:

• Better Homes and Gardens 
• IKEA: Great for small space storage ideas
• Org Junkie
• DIY Network
• IHeart Organizing : Thanks, Jenny!
• BHG cute printable labels

Happy managing to all of you!  And please, leave tips/photos in the comments, or email me at catherinestamper@gmail.com!

Activate Clutter Control!

Part of my month's goal is to take control of my clutter.  In a moment of honesty, my sweet hubs admitted that he is stressed out by my organizational  "style" & has to willfully ignore the clutter around the house in order to not go nuts. 

Ouch, but he has a valid point.  While I'm not NEARLY as messy as I used to be, I still have a tendency to buy more stuff  than I need or have room for. And I have a hard time throwing things away.  The result is that every drawer, closet, counter & closet is brimming over with stuff.  Pretty, likable, and sometimes usable stuff - but still, stuff.  Everywhere.  In my defense, Drew would live happily in a single room with an old stained chair and bare walls and a 1/4 inch of dog hair coating everything while he ate Tombstone pizza and drank Crystal Light every night for dinner. So our ideas of how much "stuff" is appropriate will probably always differ slightly. But that doesn't mean I can't use a little..."editing" in my life.  We will not be throwing out furniture and spices - but we will part with fluff and clutter and stuff we don't use or love.

Since our Prov 31 woman manages her household well, it falls upon me to get on top of this problem so that it doesn't always plague us.  But how?  Well, I picked up this book as a starting point:

 

 

And I arranged to wake up early with Drew so he can go to the gym on Tues/Thurs while I tackle clutter little by little. When he works his reserves wkends, I'll do big projects all at once. 

I also took photos of my spaces so that I can do a "before/after" comparison and feel good about what I've done.  Finally, I took some photos of organizational habits/spaces that I already have in place, so that I feel inspired and capable. 

Here are a few things I have that are satisfying and useful ideas for ME:

Every week or two I compose a list of meals & the groceries I need to make them, using the Notes app on my iPhone:

Then I use that when I'm shopping, come home and write the menu for the week on my glass "picture frame" wipe board:

To keep our newlywed's newly-shared schedule on track, I keep a calendar on the fridge.  Neither of us use personal daily planners, so this is my place to put appointments, date nights, reminders about events and birthdays and days off.  I am the one who usually keeps it up to date but Drew has added things to it from time to time and I really appreciate his help.  We will have this down by the time kids come along and complicate matters!

My pantry is TI-NEE.  Like, the size of a postage stamp. When I moved in, my sweet dad hung shelves on the inside of the pantry door.  I found these red-lid airtight canisters on clearance at Target, and ordered some cute labels off Etsy for them.  Voila, cute containers for rice, pasta, and tea!  If I could buy 12 more of these, I would.  They are so handy.

And then there's my "junk drawer," a tiny little thing that still needs some love but that has been a fairly managable space for me.  I used tomato containers to sort a few things, and we keep checkbooks/pens handy here for when Girl Scouts come to the door :)

I am NOT going to share my "before" photos yet - mainly because the house is being cleaned right now and that means I threw a bunch of junk into hiding this morning.  I'm going to wait until things look "normal" again before I take the before shots.

I'm looking forward to creating a pleasant environment for my family, simplifying my daily routines, curbing my tendency to purchase things I don't need or want, and seeing what God does with my willingness to develop discipline in my life.

 

WHAT ARE YOUR TIPS FOR CLUTTER CONTROL? What books, blogs, or other resources have helped you get organized? Submit your tips with photos to catherinestamper@gmail.com, and I will post your clutter control ideas for others to see!

 

May: Managing...well, everything.

Friends, April got away from me.  We dealt with some big "stuff" in April - and it was all I could do to sit in front of my computer & work all day, much less blog.  In other words, it was a "just try to hold it together" month.  But God is faithful - and I'm finding that this journey through Proverbs 31 has resulted in changes to my heart which ENABLE God to work in and through me during difficult times.  For example, I've been grappling with with WHO I AM in God's eyes.  Do I matter?  Am I truly loved and protected by a gracious Father, even when things are spiraling out of control? Reminding myself that I am a daughter of the King, that I possess the noble and virtuous heart of a princess, empowers me to speak and act and think with faith & honor even when my basest, most human emotions want to surface. 

Another example comes from the lessons I studied for January - our gal is joyful and optimistic about the future.  That's so easy when the future looks BRIGHT, isn't it? But what about when you're suddenly blindsided by bad news about the future? I  have learned that it IS possible for strength and honor and joy to be "themes" in my life, even when things are totally sad and seem to be falling apart.  Because joy and happiness are not the same thing, it's possible for joy and sadness to co-exist.  We have recently learned this lesson and in some odd way it's made me even more sure of how God's grace is at work in my life.  And I can't help but wonder if that's what God experiences when we, His children are in pain?  Or when His son Jesus died for our sins?  Joy because he knows that love is the theme of the plan, joy because the end result is always good and perfect, but also sadness because of the pain and heartache involved on the part of humans who walk through the fire without the benefit of perspective. He hates to see us hurt - he doesn't CAUSE us to hurt & suffer - but He reveals the "bigger picture" of joy in His own time.  Our joy can't be dependent on when He reveals that bigger picture, it has to be based on faith that there IS a bigger picture.  And there ALWAYS IS!

CS Lewis wrote "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."  (The Problem of Pain)

Isn't that beautiful? If my pain rouses a deaf part of me, if it awakens something in me or in anyone that responds to God as a result, if my pain can serve as His megaphone, I invite it.

Anyway, it's been a ride, that much is true.  And I'm ready to adjust the schedule so that May is the next installment of this blog series - are you ready?  I sure am. Especially since we are sitting down and calculating our budget/goals this month!  yeah yeah, 5 months into marriage we should've already done this but hey.  It's May's Prov31 trait!  So maybe it's appropriate that we waited!

May: SETS THE PACE AT HOME AND AT WORK, MANAGES PEOPLE AND TIME RESPONSIBLY; HER EFFORTS AND INDUSTRIOUSNESS CONTRIBUTE TO AND/OR HELP TO MANAGE THE HOUSEHOLD FINANCES

I have a few friends and family members who have REALLY exemplified this trait - I want you to hear from someone "my age" (30 ish) and someone "older" (50s) about how they have learned to apply these principles to their lives.  I want you to hear from someone single, and someone married with kiddos.  It's very different to manage a household of one v.s. a household of 2+!

Hang out with me and offer your suggestions too. Time management, money management, and "environment" (people) management are things I've definitely learned to better handle in my 31 years, but I am far from where I want to be.  I hope we can collaborate on what has worked or not worked for you!

xoxo

 

Um...pardon me, but...a lion is about to devour you?

Lately I've noticed some bloggers writing about how "unloving" and "grace-less" Christians are. Notably, Max Dubinsky and Dan Pearce.  Apparently we mostly hate gay people, but we also harbor/display varying degrees of self-righteous hostility toward people dealing with less politically correct sins such as alcoholism, anger, doubt, lust, greed etc.  This is, of course, because we think we are way better than all of "those" people.  It makes us feel good to hate them, and we can't fathom "accepting" them - accepting someone really takes away from time you can spend slamming them with a Bible and hating them into guilt and submission!  So, we continue to hate on others and call ourselves perfect.  Or, like Mac Dubinsky facetiously proposes, we are afraid of them. "I played it safe within my community because the world out there was a scary place and hated me. If I could create the illusion of doing what Jesus had supposedly called me to do, and surround myself with likeminded individuals equally afraid of the world, I knew I’d be just fine."  Then he points to all the sin described in the Old Testament, concluding that since people have been sinning since the dawn of man, nobody, including modern day Christians, have no right to identify sin and its presence in the world or in someone else's life.  "Who made Christians the authorities on judgement? If the Bible is anything to go by, we don’t know jack shit."  Dan Pearce says that religious people are sitting around saying - and thinking - things like "“God hates fags.” “God hates addicts.” “God hates people who shop at Salvation Army.” “God hates people that aren’t just like me.”

Right?  I mean, I know that's how I feel.

Give me a break.

It makes me so, so sad that this is how anyone, espcially other CHRISTIANS, look at their brothers & sisters, at me, at their gracious and powerful Savior, at what is at stake in our world today, and at their own sin.  They honestly think that we hate PEOPLE.  How wrong they are!

Imagine this.  We are hiking in the jungle together.  The jungle is infested with angry, ferocious, man-eating lions. We don't have a choice though - we have to hike through this jungle to get to our destination - so we set out together. 

We know what to do, you and me.  We both read the "Lion Survival Guide" and we know that in order to avoid being devoured by a lion, we have to RUN SCREAMING as fast as we can as soon as we see one.  We run to save ourselves - we scream to alert one another.  This is the only way to avoid certain death.

We're hiking along in silence, with an occasional word here and there. We stop for a break & a drink of water. Things seem to be going well, until I see an enormous lion behind you, licking his chops.  He is eyeing you hungrily, ready to gobble you up in a moment.

"Excuse me." I say. "I certainly don't want to presume that this is an issue for you personally but there is a lion about to devour you.  Now, you may not share my convictions regarding death by lion - some people don't mind that method, and you may be one of them.  In fact, I'm sorry - for all we know this might be a lamb dressed as a lion, and thus nothing at all to be concerned about!  You know what, ignore me.  I don't mind if you run, don't run, scream, don't scream, hug the lion, whatever, it's really your personal decision.  Sorry I brought it up."

Of course, at the polite words "excuse me" that lion already had his claws in you, and instead of saving or helping you I am now staring at your bloody remains, thinking "hm, what a shame she didn't run and scream like The Guide said we should - wonder why not?"

That is how crazy the argument is that we should react to sin with nothing but acceptance, love, and grace.  Instead of shouting "RUN!!! You are about to be DEVOURED!!!" these bloggers would have us politely suggest that sin is perhaps not "God's best" for someone (if even that) - and when they fail to agree, we ought to just drop it.  We ought to let the lion devour them as we stand there and watch - and then pat ourselves on the back for being a "sweet" Christian.

What people like this fail to acknowledge is that we are not fighting sinners.  We ARE sinners, all of us, fighting for each other and with each other against SIN and more specifically, against the father of lies, Satan.  We are saving each other from destruction!

1 Peter 5 says "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of thing that you are."

Sin is very much like a hungry lion, seeking prey to kill and destroy.  If we fail to acknowledge that, we will never grasp what God's grace is really all about.  Sin is the reason we need grace!  But grace isn't a smokescreen, pretending danger doesn't exist and the lion isn't really dangerous - grace is the only way out of certain death!  Grace is the key to the "Lion Survival Guide."  Likewise, love isn't a platitude, turning us into "yes-men" who tiptoe around the people we love, avoiding the subject of their imminent destruction.  Love saves others.  Grace offers a safe place to run.

Dan Pearce says "I have known a lot of people in my life, and I can tell you this… Some of the ones who understood love better than anyone else were those who the rest of the world had long before measured as lost or gone. Some of the people who were able to look at the dirtiest, the poorest, the gays, the straights, the drug users, those in recovery, the basest of sinners, and those who were just… plain… different…

They were able to look at them all and only see strength. Beauty. Potential. Hope.

And if we boil it down, isn’t that what love actually is?"

Noooooooo! Absolutely not! Read the Bible!   First, we are ALL "the basest of sinners" - and being a sinner is not being "different," being a sinner is like drowning and needing a life-raft! Sinners are simply people whose lives & souls are being devoured by sin. This is a daily battle for every one of us. If we look at ANYONE and see "only" strength, beauty, potential, and hope, we are delusional!  Do you possess ONLY those things? Or do you have fear, pride, imperfections, and weaknesses?  I do!  Love means recognizing the good and the bad in the world - and fighting alongside one another against the BAD.

Would you look at someone dying of cancer and say "ohh come on - you don't have cancer!  I see only beauty, hope and potential in you! Ignore what those doctors are telling you to do.  They are SO judgmental.  Just be who you are!  Call it something else, cancer sounds so harsh.  You have...sparkles!  And you're not dying, you're just different! Yay!"

 It's ludicrous!

Fortunately, we don't serve a coddling, word-spinning, feel-good God who pretends we're not dying so that we'll feel better about our sin sickness. God, in his grace and love, said to you and me, "Flee from destructive, joy-stealing, death-dealing sin.  It will eat you alive. Flee toward Me, to a safe place, where my power will enable to you to fight off sin for good!  You can't do it on your own, that lion is too big - but I can help.  And you don't have to do anything but run away from the sin, and run toward me. RUN!"   In fact, Romans 6 says

"For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace."

Death won't have dominion over you.  The cancer of sin won't have dominion over you.  Hungry, evil lions won't have dominion over you.  You have run toward the safety of grace.

THAT is grace.  Grace shouts "RUN!  LION!" - grace doesn't stand by and watch while others are devoured.  And that is love.  Love shouts "RUN TO SAFETY! FLEE FROM DANGER!" - love doesn't pretend that everything is going to work out for the guy with the enormous lion stalking him.

So why is it that so many "Christians" are trying to convince the world that love and grace is polite acceptance of others imminent demise?  Why doesn't anyone see that we are here to help one another survive the jungle?

Dan Pearce writes:

"What makes somebody love, accept, and befriend their fellow man is letting go of a need to be better than others.

Nothing else.

I know there are many here who believe that living a homosexual life is a sin.

Okay.

But, what does that have to do with love?

I repeat… what does that have to do with love?"

Oh, but it has everything to do with love.  As Christians, we have read the warnings.  We've seen sins of all kinds destroy the lives of those precious people around us.  Sexual immorality - including but not limited to homosexuality - is something that ALL of us have had to deal with at some point in our lives.  I have sometimes run away, as I should have.  Other times I have stayed far too long and let the destructive forces of sin tear away chunks of my flesh before finally realizing I had to run far, far away.  But LOVE is the acknowledgement of DIRT and the willingness to help someone get out of the MUD PIT.  It's not unloving to say "that's mud on you."  It's not unloving to say "I've been there, that's definitely mud -- and it gets worse, be careful."  It's unloving to say "you look terrific!  so clean and happy!" as someone smears filth all over his life.  And this has nothing to do with thinking you're better than others.  In fact, it's the opposite.  It's knowing what mud looks like, knowing what it feels like, and how dirty and sad it can make you, from first-hand experience - and wanting to help others avoid the mud pits!

I am who I am today because my Christian family and friends lovingly refused to ignore the sin I was ushering into my life.   On the flip side are the "nice" Christians who stood by and watched me, silent, as I positioned myself for disaster.  I have many, many lovely friends who subscribe to the idea that it's best to stay quiet.  They never wanted to acknowledge that I was about to be consumed by deadly, joy-robbing, life-changing sin.  It made them feel..."mean."  In fact, I've been that Christian a lot - pretending everything's fine, while someone I love unwarily walks straight into a deathtrap. But WOW, thank God that the fierce, bold, warrior Christians in my life stepped in when I needed them to! The "tough love" they've resorted to in order to make me face the truth and flee from destruction really hurt at the time.  They were firm, kind, biblical, and helpful - but of course in my immaturity I felt like they were being self-righteous, distrustful, controlling, and meddling.  I fought them, I fought God. Like Dan Pearce says in his post, "Why is it that so many incredible people who have certain struggles, problems, or their own beliefs of what is right and wrong feel so hated? Why do they feel so judged? Why do they feel so… loathed? What undeniable truth must we all eventually admit to ourselves when such is the case?" According to Dan, that "undeniable truth" is that such people are being attacked by crazy judgemental Christians.  But he's wrong, so very wrong - just as I was wrong when I felt "attacked" by my parents, my friends, my sister.  The truth is that no matter what we "feel" in the moment, we are being loved, and shown GRACE. Finally, I stopped playing the victim, and I got it. Now I thank God every day that people intervened.  I hope that there will always be people in my life who love me enough to intervene.  I'm still a sinner, and I still have to run away from the lions.

The people who love me - really, really love me - have shouted "RUN! LION!" just in the nick of time. Will you do that for other Christians, or will you politely accept their ultimate demise, standing by and observing as their lives are ripped to shreds by sin?  What would you expect from the people who claim to love you and have your best interests at heart?

In a piece titled "What Sin Is And What Sin Does," John W. Ritenbaugh talks about what we're fighting.  These excerpts are from Forerunner, "Personal," February 1996.

"Sins" are not arbitrary regulatory infringements invented by God to lord his perfection over man.  They are dangerous paths that lead to destruction. 

The word itself, however, is so commonly used that it has become debased, distorted and abused. In this condition, it carries little emotional and intellectual force. To some people, it has become like "The sky is falling!" of Chicken Little fame. To unbelievers, "sin" is almost a joke—they even compose songs containing light references to it.

 

But sin is not like a disease that some contract and others escape. Some may self-righteously think they are better than others because of outward appearance—living by sight—but we have all been soiled by it. "There is none righteous, no, not one" (Romans 3:10). Perfection is gone. Because of sin, we have all come short of the glory of God.

 

The phrase in Romans 5:12, "And thus death spread to all men" can be translated into more modern English as, "When death entered the race, it went throughout." It means death indiscriminately affected all because all sinned. It almost seems as though sin is like an amoebic blob whose tentacles reach out to encompass all in its path, absorbing and sweeping everything to its death.

Consider Genesis 4: 

So the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it."

 

God's warning is clear. Repent of sin at once, or it has a powerful tendency to grow and thoroughly dominate one who does nothing to stop it. This thought is reinforced in the final sentence of verse 7, "And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it."

 

Sin does negative things to us and others. If it were positive or even neutral, a loving God would be unconcerned about it. He would not lead us to repentance or demand that we repent of it. He would not command us to overcome it and come out of this world.

 

I propose that is is loveLESS and graceLESS to sit idly by while other believers are stalked by, eyed hungrily by, and ultimately devoured by the evil one, by the lion that is our enemy.  Real love, real grace, says "RUN" and then points out the path to freedom -- and it keeps fighting alongside the victim until the enemy is defeated. 

 At the end of his post, Max Dubinsky writes:

"Dear Everyone.

Dear me.

You are imperfect and judgmental. You are self-addicted and lustful. You are full of hate and sin, pride and secrets. Yet God sees you through the lens of Christ’s Crucifixion: forgiven and without scars, perfect and fulfilled, destined with a purpose the way He intended you to be.

Now put down your stones and go be." 

This is mine:

"Dear Everyone.

Dear me.

You are being hunted by an enemy whose single goal is to destroy your life and rob you of every joy. You are defenseless and cornered. You are full of fear, pride and secrets. Yet God sees you through the lens of Christ’s Crucifixion: free from the enemy's grasp, should you simply choose to acknowledge that lion behind you - anger, lust, greed, pride, immorality, resentment, cheating, laziness, whatever it is - and RUN, screaming, to the safe fortress that is God's grace.

Now RUN!" 

Good Samaritans: Kindness toward our "enemies."

This is the second post for MARCH - I drafted it twice (in March) before losing two full posts to the internet fail monster!  I gave up finally and just now finished the entry.

It's not easy to be a woman like the one described in Proverbs 31.  Especially in today's culture of dog-eat-dog, self-centered, she-power messages. The world says it's important to make/buy/wear/use quality items, because that's the best way to care for yourself. It's one thing to go the extra mile for "quality & meaningfulness" - I think many of us pride ourselves on using "quality" products, or writing "meaningful" thank you notes.  But how about the part where she's not afraid of a little personal sacrifice or inconvenience?  That's counter-cultural in a world where many of use engage in philanthropical ventures or go out of our way to help someone in need only when it's convenient, affordable, or politically correct.  What if that quality & meaningfulness she's committed to comes at the cost of her reputation, her pride, her financial stability, her health, or her various personal desires?  What then?

The Bible is full of examples of women and men who went the extra mile for someone else.One of my favorites comes in the form of a parable that Jesus used to answer the question of a lawyer (ha!) in Luke 10.  The lawyer was testing whether jesus understood the law, or whether he would say any thing contrary to it, to see if he could gain any advantage against Jesus and expose him, and get credit and applause for himself.

One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: "Teacher, what must I do to receive eternal life?"  Jesus replied, "What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?"  The man answered, "'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  "Right!" Jesus told him. "Do this and you will live!"  The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

Jesus replied with an illustration:

A Jewish man was traveling on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. By chance a Jewish priest came along; but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by.  A Jewish temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

Then a Samaritan, a man of the race and country most hated by the Jews, came along, and when he saw the man, he felt deep pity. Kneeling beside him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with medicine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him.

The next day he handed the innkeeper two pieces of silver and told him to take care of the man. 'If his bill runs higher than that,' he said, 'I'll pay the difference the next time I am here.'

"Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?" Jesus asked. The man replied, "The one who showed him mercy." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same."

Here's what blows my mind about the Samaritan.  There was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN IT FOR HIM.  In fact, he risked ostracization and judgment from his own people as he did this thing. 

Imagine that today.  Maybe you're a Christian with a chance to offer your help to someone -- someone who openly loathes believers.  Or maybe you're a mom who makes chicken soup for a neighbor -- the neighbor who screams at your kids when they walk on her lawn.   Perhaps you're the employee who gives your colleague credit and a public acknowledgement for a successful project -- the same colleague who threw you under the bus last month and never apologized. 

Have you ever thought about your influence on others? The selflessness you show your friends, family -- and yes, even your enemies - often makes it possible for them to feel blessed, surprised, to have their minds changed about you & most importantly, about your God.   You're not going to change everyone's behavior this way, but sometimes you will.  And you may never realize how your actions changed their hearts in the long run.

In the book of 1 Samuel, there's a guy named Nabel. His wife is Abigail, and she's referred to as - get this - "the angel of Nabel's household."  It also says "This man's name was Nabal, and his wife, Abigail, was a sensible and beautiful woman. But Nabal, a descendant of Caleb, was mean and dishonest in all his dealings."  So sweet Abigail is dealing with a difficult man, bless her heart.  The name Nabel, translated, means "a fool." But look how she treats him with kindness despite his faults: A traveler came through and asked Nabel to spare provisions. Nabal threw a fit, as some wealthy men are apt to do when asked foranything. Unfortunately for Nabel, the traveler was really King David in disguise.  In response to Nabel's cruelty, Davis became determined to kill Nabel.  But Abigail intervened. She brought provisions on her own and in doing so Abigail atoned for Nabal's denial of David's request. Her behaviour was very submissive. As Matthew Henry Commentary puts it, "Yielding pacifies great offenses." She apologizes and petitions David for kindness. She could not excuse her husband's conduct. She depends solely on God's grace to soften David, and expects that this grace would work powerfully. She says that it would be below David to take vengeance on "so weak and despicable an enemy as Nabal."

Long story short, Abigail pacifies David and he spares Nabel's life.  Pretty soon after that, Nabel gets sick and dies.  David, when he hears about this, sends for Abigail to be HIS wife.  He was so influenced by her selfless sacrifice on behalf of Nabel that, um YES PLEASE!  He wants to marry a woman like that!  That is a queen, folks.

What are your actions saying to the world around you? Are we showing God's grace and encouraging others to be more graceful?  I'm convinced one of the most powerful ways to show a hurting world the true love of Christ is to demonstrate selfless sacrifice and kindness toward our families, our friends, and sometimes most difficultly but also most importantly...our enemies.

Next entry is for APRIL - xoxo

Prov 31 Project: Going the Extra Mile

So March's woman goes the extra mile for quality & meaningfulness - she's not afraid of a little personal sacrifice or inconvenience. What does that look like today? Well,I think it looks a lot like it did back in the day, when Proverbs 31 was written.  It say that "She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple." "She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night."  "She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar."

The trait of not settling for the mediocre is portrayed by a woman who goes the extra mile for quality items. Fine linen.  Purple (royal) clothing. Profitable trading, and working even into the hours of darkness.  She doesn't just throw McDonalds down her gullet & watch Real Housewives after work - our woman is cognizant of quality & knows where to prioritize her time & energy so that she eats, wears, owns and says things that portray the quality and meaningfulness that she knows God has put in her soul.  This doesn't mean that she's impervious to the ups and downs of economies & cultures.  What it means is that she's able to discern an impulse from a legitimate need.  It means that she can put down the InTouch magazine or the remote control and instead read her Bible, call a friend, help someone in need, or clean the bathroom.  WITH A GREAT ATTITUDE.

I could stand to work on this, especially since so often I "feel like" I am going above and beyond in life (cooking, cleaning, reading, investing in others, working hard, saving money, taking care of bills, etc).  I was single before November, and I know what's it's like to have a TON of responsibilities - we're talking SOLE responsibility for a home...pets...work...family, friends, dating, faith, car, bills, yard, etc etc etc.  I constantly felt, self-righteously, like I was going the extra mile! I thought "right now I'm spread much too thin - but when I get married, I'll have more time and energy to do things with excellence, because 'he' will make life so much easier for me!" But truth be told, I used that as an excuse to veg and do nothing in the evenings after work.  As a result I made too many pots of Kraft mac-n-cheese for one, I paid my bills late, I cancelled commitments to help people and contribute to my community, I felt sorry for myself, and I justified shopping at my lunch hour for things I didn't need.  I settled for the mediocre quite often, in other words.  I'm not saying that I've come full circle -- I'll still admit that I watched "The Firm" & "New Girl" last night & made a PF Changs frozen meal for dinner instead of paying my homeowners tax & gathering my 2012 tax docs last night, as I should have done.  But I am starting to learn that (a) I have more time & energy than I'm willing to admit - only I can control what I do with it; also, (b) getting married DOES NOT MEAN that things get easier!  Gals, we love our husbands but in some ways I think that living with anyone and sharing resources/responsibilities makes things more complicated!  Bless him, but I don't feel like my load has been lightened - I feel sometimes like I've simply replaced time spent on yard work & car maintenance with time spent worrying & nagging. The car inspection is overdue by 2 months...the AC filter is due to be changed...the "grass" in the backyard is more like a weed jungle...the dog bowls outside are moldy science-experiments-in-the-making...and we still can't find the remote control.  After entrusting these issues to your housemate, and watching them go unresolved, a woman (well, a woman like me, at least) is liable to lose her cabeza.  And then there's the fact that I do all the grocery shopping, house cleaning, cooking, and social planning!  Look at me, I'm amazing! I demand an award!

ha.

I have to remind myself constantly that I am NOT a perfect housemate.  I left dirty dishes in the sink for 48 hours...the closet looks like a JCPenney dressing room..the guest room is STILL a Christmas decor staging area!  And although he rarely criticizes me, I know that's because he is full of grace and not because I am full of awesomeness. It's a wonder he lives with me.

The man I live with works so hard and I must discipline myself to focus more on the log in my own eye than the speck in his gorgeous baby-blues.  But note that God doesn't say that the Prov 31 woman does wifely things with excellence.  No, the implication is that this woman -- single or married- is making sure that her life is defined by quality & meaningfulness.  Which means that I should have been learning these lessons when I was single instead of hoping that a man would make things easier.  Here's the point: getting married doesn't necessarily add meaning or quality to your daily to-do list.  So, whether you're single or not single...how do you go the extra mile to make sure that quality & meaningfulness  are themes in your life?  What personal sacrifices or inconveniences do you overlook in order to do more & be more? 

Something to ponder.  Next time we'll talk about the Good Samaritan, or as I'll call it, "Good Samantha."  Nothing like a little gender-adjustment to make a great Biblical example hit home, right ladies? Samantha went out of her way to help someone who society said she shouldn't even give a second glance.  Something I personally want to learn how to do more -- because God says it matters, too.

For the record, Mr. S has magnificently gotten the car inspected, mowed the lawn, changed the AC filter, and washed the dog bowls.  My examples above are simply things I used to do myself & that I unfairly expect him to do as a resident of the home, without being reminded or asked. He's an incredible husband & I humbly pray he'll give me the grace & time to become the wife he deserves. :)

But we still can't find the remote control.

 

Interviews with Extraordinary Planners - Proverbs 31 Project

Today (a bit late, sorry - last minute business trip prevented me from catching up on February's trait!) we'll dive into the lives of two of my dearest friends.  You'll hear from more of my "girls" this year, but this month we kick off with M & J, two of the most organized women I know.  I am not known as a great "planner" (although the older I get, the better I become) so it's always helpful for me to hear how others are making it work.

February's woman: PLANS AHEAD, HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION

C: What are a few ways you plan ahead to avert disaster/frustration on a daily basis?  Weekly?  Monthly? Yearly?

J:

Daily/Weekly: Meal planning has become one of my top priorities. Each Saturday morning, I sit down with the newspaper, a cup of coffee, a blank grocery list, and my weekly menu board (http://www.1creativemomma.blogspot.com/2012/01/doing-more-with-less-weekly-menu-board.html). The first thing I do is browse through the grocery store ads to see what is on sale. Then I use Pinterest (www.pinterest.com) to select a few "tried & true" recipes as well as a few new recipes to put on my menu board (http://www.1creativemomma.blogspot.com/2012/01/how-to-use-pinterest-for-meal-planning.html). Once the menu for the week is filled in, I take my blank grocery list and fill out what I need to buy. I do this in the order that we walk around the store (ex. fruits and veggies first, frozen foods last). Then, I check my coupons to see if I have any coupons for what I need. I've found that if I go to the coupons FIRST, I buy things I don't necessarily NEED. 

Another tip, I make extra of each dinner and take the leftovers into work for lunch the next day. This ends up saving me money and keeps me from having to decide what to have for lunch. And trust me, I work in a corporate office building, and I STILL take lunch, even if I bring something in. A lot of times I workout for my lunch break or go for a walk at a nearby park. Occasionally, (well, a lot of times) I go shopping. :)

Monthly/Yearly:

One of the best things I have ever done is to build up an emergency fund that has enough money to cover all of my deductible, plus at least 3 months income. My husband and I sat down one day and added up our car insurance, healthcare, and other deductibles to determine how much money we might need in case of a car accident or medical illness. We also saved up about 3 months worth of living expenses to cover the loss of a job.

M: I would have to say the two biggest things I do every week to make things run a little more smoothly are planning my meals on Sundays for the week and laying out my clothes (work and workout) for the week. Every Sunday, I fill in my meal planner and grocery spreadsheet on the fridge (I get them from Anthropologie, and they have a magnet so they stay on the fridge - brilliant!). I have found that planning meals ahead of time make me much less likely to pick up something en route home or order Chinese food or pizza - it's much healthier and more cost effective. The spreadsheet is great, because it is organized by category, so you have your needs grouped by grocery store aisle (more or less). Then, I go to the grocery store and get everything I need for the week (rather quickly because of the spreadsheet). If there are any meals that need chopped vegetables or have a longer prep time, I pre-cut and bag the veggies, so when I get home from work, I have one less thing to do. If I am having lasagna or a casserole one night, I will go ahead and make it on Sunday, so I just have to pop it in the oven after work. Also on Sunday, I check the weather for the week and take out my outfits (shoes and all) and stack them on the dresser (shoes are lined up against the wall). Since I work out in the morning before work, I also try to do as much as possible each evening so I have less to do in the morning. I pack my lunch for the next day and put the workout dvd I am doing the following morning in the dvd player before bed.

C: Can you give an example of one time you planned ahead and avoided a major disaster?

J: About 5 years ago my family and I followed Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and ended up paying off over $16k worth of  car loans and credit cards debt as well as saving 2 years worth of income so that I could quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom for the first few years of my son's life. BEST DECISION EVER. I ended up going back to work because I wanted to and not because I had to. In that time period, my husband was actually laid off from his job. This could have been a HUGE disaster, but it wasn't. He was able to find another job within 6 months and we lived off of savings until then. Thank you Dave Ramsey for teaching us how to properly manage the money God blesses us with!

M: You know those moments where you have friend(s) visiting and no one can decide what to do? The "I don't know... What do you want to do?" moments? I have heard horror stories about those, but I don't have them. Why? Because I make itineraries. For everything! If I have company coming in town, I plan meals (make reservations if necessary and go to the grocery store if I am cooking) and activities for their whole stay. I usually build in some wiggle room, but I make a list of the places I want to take them and map out the best way to maximize their stay so as to show them as much as possible across a range of activities. It may not sound like a disaster, but if you have any demanding friends, you will know that not pleasing them can be disastrous. It is also the best feeling to show your friends (or family) such a good time that they can't wait to come back and rave about their stay. 

C: How do you plan ahead in a "big-picture" personal sense? In other words, do you do or have you done anything mentally/spiritually/physically to get ready to handle future surprises like sickness, death, kids, marriage, job loss, family issues, etc.?

J: Well, I have to admit that I am not as good with planning for the big picture as I am with planning for the present. One thing I did do is work out about a full year before getting pregnant in order to get my body ready for the stress of pregnancy. I am very glad I did this as I had an awful 9 months! 

M: I have learned it is impossible to plan ahead for life's unexpected. The only thing I think we can do is to stay on top of as much as we can, so that if we fall off our game for a bit, things won't snowball. Here's an example: I try to stagger my "larger" purchases, so that I keep the things I need stocked but don't end up having to take my dogs for shots the same month they need heartworm/flea treatments or the same month I need facewash and lotion (I use Bobbi Brown, which can be kind of pricey), and I try to make sure none of this falls around Christmas or my birthday (since that is when my car registration is due). This staggering can really come in handy if something happens that affects your income temporarily (i.e., a job loss). When I lost my job a couple of years ago, I was so grateful that all of my larger expenses did not all fall at the same time. I also try to pick up birthday cards and gifts for my friends and family throughout the year whenever I see something that would be perfect for them (even if it's months before their birthday). I keep the cards in a card organizer and the gifts in a basket. I pride myself on being a good friend, daughter, and sister, so when life throws me a curveball, it would make me feel worse to feel like I was slipping as a friend, daughter, sister, etc. Having the gifts and cards ahead of time helps me prepare in the event I am off my game temporarily for any reason. 

C: When you aren't feeling well, or just aren't in the mood to organize your life or tackle a to-do list, how do you find the energy & motivation to take care of business?

J: I'm never not feeling up to planning, organizing, and tackling a to-do list! Ha! One thing I do is to reward myself on a consistent basis. Staying on top of things is hard and I make sure to take time to relax (like vacation) or pamper myself (like a massage or pedicure) a few times a year. That always help to give me motivation!

M: It might seem like it takes extra effort to plan your meals ahead or pack ahead of time or lay out your outfits for the week, but in the long run, you will save so much time (and money and calories, in the case of food). I know that if I don't plan my meals on Sunday, I will pick up junk on my way home from work for dinner or order a pizza and will regret it afterwards. I love pizza just as much as the next girl, but when I have groceries at home, I am much more likely to eat healthy (and in turn, have healthy leftovers for lunches). I get anxious if I don't have my meals planned and my outfits laid out. There are times that I am out of town for the weekend and am not home on Sunday to do my planning. Usually, on those weekends, I plan my meals and outfits before I leave town. The times that I haven't done that, I feel "off" all week - just disorganized and not well-prepared. I can't control the demands of work or my health or my dogs' health or so many other aspects of my life, but when I stay on top of the extra little demands and minimize the effect they have on my daily schedule, I feel calmer and less phased by the unpredictable hurdles.

 

I hope these interviews inspired & motivated you as much as they did me. Special thanks to this month's guests - we may hear from them again because, like so many of my girlfriends, they exemplify more than a few of the Proverbs 31 traits!

 

xoxo

February: Water Your Camels (and a Stranger's) with a Smile!

Quick recap, then I'll dive right in.

November: NOBLE & VIRTUOUS CHARACTER (SET A FIRM FOUNDATION!)

- you know you're a princess, a royal, a daughter of the King...but what does that look like!  Start carrying yourself with nobility & grace (stack of books balanced on top of the head, ladies!) and dive into the instruction book.

December: RELIABLE, RESPONSIBLE IN WORK; ORGANIZED, ENERGETIC, INDUSTRIOUS

- your work matters to God, it matters to other people, and it should matter to you.  We don't always have to be the "idea" person or the "most energetic" person on the team, but we should be reliable, enthusiastic, and focused enough to do things well consistently.  That's a reflection of our King's character, and he enables us to treat our work as a joy & a priority (so even when we don't feel like it, we can & must try).

January: RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE IN CHARACTER; JOYFUL, STRENGTH & HONOR ARE THEMES IN HER LIFE & SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO THE FUTURE WITH HOPE & JOY

- your attitude matters to God, it matters to other people, and it should matter to you.  We are going to have bad days, be disappointed & frustrated, feel weak or like we have every excuse to compromise...and there are plenty of people who'll encourage you to just let it all out! Vent, rant, rave, throw a pity party, demand your way, yell "I'm fed up and I'm not going to take it any more!" But you know now that, as a princess, there's a calling higher than what the world suggests we do.  Temper tantrums do not become us, demanding our own way does not accurately reflect the selfless hearts God wants us to cultivate, and letting our emotions determine our behavior or squelch our hope is just another way of letting the enemy win the battle for control of our lives.

February: PLANS AHEAD, HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION

As daughters of the King of everything, we don't have to live moment to moment, just hoping that things will work out for the best.  We know that God has given us intuition, discretion, that amazing female ability to multitask, and the resources we need to plan ahead and avert disaster in our lives.  This could range from the simplest example (making 5 sandwiches on Sunday so you have work lunches for the week ready to go) to the grandest example (saving yourself physically for one man, your husband, so that your purity, honor, and heart are reserved for him alone...so that you can discern a Godly suitor from an immature opportunist...so you can tell your daughters what purity, love, sex, and marriage are REALLY all about...& so that God is honored in both your public & private life).  Every day we wake up with opportunities to plan ahead, develop our work ethic & character, and avoid (or at least survive) disaster.  Like I wrote last month:

"Would you commit today to running your first-ever marathon next weekend?  No, you'd want at least a few months to train.  But the truth is that any day we could get blindsided by something we didn't get a chance to "prepare" for.  Cancer.  Pregnancy.  Work deadline.  Job loss.  And we need to prepare our hearts and minds to recognize God's voice & guidance in the midst of those trials.  We won't always be ready for the next play in the game, but we can start getting to know the Coach today so we're ready to follow his lead when crises come along."

The biblical example of Rebekah is a great example of how Godly planning and preparation determines our destiny - and remember, "planning ahead" includes both making a grocery list & adopting character traits, just as your "destiny" includes both what you eat for dinner tonight and who you marry.  Rebekah's planning & preparation falls into both categories. 

Old Testament, y'all - Genesis 24.  TO set the stage for you, Abraham, Isaac's father, was living in Canaan & had sent a trusted servant back to his home country and people to choose a wife for his son. The servant got there, sought God for guidance, and immediately came in contact with a very godly young girl. Rebekah, who had come to the well to draw water for her family's camels (a very, very tough job) offered to draw water for the servant AND for his camels. Supplying water for thirsty camels is a very demanding job and Rebekah was under no obligation to go above and beyond the call of duty for a stranger.  But Rebekah was no ordinary chick - instead of sitting around complaining of her situation (hello! single girl+dry desert+deep well+thirsty camels = tough life!) she rather allowed the love of God to flow through her & ultimately to shape her life. As a result, Abraham's servant recognized her as the woman God wanted him to meet.  The godliness in Rebekah is what opened the door to her destiny. 

But, it didn't stop there.  Rebekah could not have known what would happen, but she continued in her Godly work ethic & went ahead & executed the same plan she would have for any stranger in need - after providing Abraham's servant with water, Rebekah assured him that there was enough room in her parents house to accommodate him and his camels for the night. Again, her kind heart led her to help a stranger. This again exposed her to the blessing of God when after Abraham's servant made his mission clear to Rebekah's parents they agreed to give her hand in marriage. Interestingly, Rebekah was consulted about this decision and it was only her consent that made it possible. Her discernment led her to make the right choice, no doubt because she'd been also preparing her heart to recognize an opportunity that was a blessing from the Lord.  Why else would she ever agree to go marry an unseen, unknown, unfamiliar man in another country?

Are you doing your work in a way that opens you up to the blessings God wants to bring you?

Substitute watering camels with working 10-hour days...studying for mega-exams...shopping for groceries during "rush hour"...changing diapers all day...we are always doing something that can be done in a way that honors God & prepares us for our destiny.  

So, say a quick prayer for your boss as you respond to yet another of his poorly-timed urgent emails, and tack on a word of encouragement at the end of your reply. Buy a coffee for the other poor guy studying at Starbucks on Friday night.  Smile & help the harried mom in front of you at the grocery store get her stuff onto the conveyer belt while she tries to calm her screaming 2 year old.  Sing a happy song to your baby while you change that diaper, and then text YOUR mom to say "thanks!" for all the times she changed yours.  

Prepare yourself, your heart,  your life, your attitude, for whatever is coming.  Bless those around you, work hard, resist the urge to complain or feel sorry for yourself, and focus on planning for the future. 

Rebekah didn't get lucky that day at the well.  Rebekah developed a work ethic, a generous heart, and a discerning spirit that motivated her to live and act in a way that ultimately averted disaster & invited blessings from God.

 How to Work & Plan like Rebekah - in 5 Simple Steps

1. Water your camels with energy & a smile.

2. Offer some water to a thirsty stranger & his camels.

3. Ask if there's anything else that stranger needs.

4. Pray for & cultivate a discerning heart & mind.

5. Watch what God does.

 

Until next time!

 

5-minute 50-calorie Asparagus Bisque

According to the experts, "Bisque is a smooth, creamy, highly-seasoned soup of French origin, classically based on seafood broth. Creamy soups made from roasted and puréed vegetables are sometimes called bisques (though this is, by definition, incorrect, as this would make them cream soups)."

Well, call me "tres erroné" Frenchies because I made an asparagus bisque with zero seafood broth.  And I'm calling it a bisque, so there!

Asparagus is a favorite of mine - canned, steamed, broiled, grilled, you name it. Asparagus is also low in calories and is very low in sodium. It is a good source of calcium, magnesium and zinc, and a very good source of fiber, protein, vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, folic acid, & iron, as well as chromium, a "trace mineral that enhances the ability of insulin to transport glucose from the bloodstream into cells."

Diabetic friends, take note of that last bit!

Even if you don't like asparagus, you WILL probably like this soup. It's mild & savory/sweet, with loads of texture & subtle flavor. One great thing is that it  takes 5 minutes to make -- but perhaps the greatest part is that the milk and butter are OPTIONAL - so if you're eating paleo or just trying to cut all unnecessary calories, you can still enjoy this creamy soup without those elements.  The soup is 50 calories a serving with milk & butter.  Without that stuff, I'm guessing...25 calories a serving? 

How nuts is that?

This is LITERALLY the easiest & most yummy homemade soup I've ever tried.

It's also fun to experiment with some add-ins.  I took the base recipe of chicken broth, asparagus, milk, and butter...then added stuff I randomly found in the fridge! I've become pretty confident over the past few years when it comes to knowing which ingredients will taste great together, without needing a recipe. If you want, you can just make the soup with the 4 base ingredients, or with the first 2 - it's still extra yum.  But if you want to get creative, try some of the elements I added, or use whatever YOU like! 

 

Asparagus Bisque

Makes 4 servings

Start with:

• 14.5 oz chicken broth
• 1 can asparagus spears (I used green, but think white asparagus would look neat too)
• 1/2 c milk (fat free or whatever you have)
• 1 tbsp butter

Then I decided to also use:

• 3 tbsp soy sauce
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• juice of 1/2 lemon

(other "add-in" ideas: onion powder, lemon zest, dill, basil, Worcestershire sauce...)

Blend the asparagus, liquid & all, until it's completely smooth.

You know you're jealous of my pink blender.  I have a matching toaster.  Obviously I got these before Drew & I married - they would not have gone over well with him as registry items, nevermind that I'm the only one in this house that toasts or blends anything.

Anyway, go ahead & combine the chicken broth and asparagus puree in a saucepan and heat for 1 minute.  Add the milk, butter, and whatever other ingredients float your boat!

 

 

 

Taste your concoction, and add salt & pepper to taste (use a shaker shaped like an animal - makes it taste better) :)

Then, serve her up! I like to keep all things AFAP (as fancy as possible) so you should know that I topped off my bowl of soup with cracked black pepper, a few pita chips, and fresh lemon zest.  Totally awesome.

 

Tres bien, y'all!

Happy eats,

February - Do You Know You're A Princess?

Quick recap before February -

November: NOBLE & VIRTUOUS CHARACTER (SET A FIRM FOUNDATION!)

December: RELIABLE, RESPONSIBLE IN WORK; ORGANIZED, ENERGETIC, INDUSTRIOUS

January: RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE IN CHARACTER; JOYFUL, STRENGTH & HONOR ARE THEMES IN HER LIFE & SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO THE FUTURE WITH HOPE & JOY

Let's keep in mind that we are BUILDING character traits - not isolating traits by month.  And I was looking over the coming year (and past months) and I noticed that there are 4 traits listed in Proverbs 31 that specifically relate to WORK. 

December: RELIABLE, RESPONSIBLE IN WORK; ORGANIZED, ENERGETIC, INDUSTRIOUS

February: PLANS AHEAD, HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION

April: SETS THE PACE AT HOME AND AT WORK, MANAGES PEOPLE AND TIME RESPONSIBLY; HER EFFORTS AND INDUSTRIOUSNESS CONTRIBUTE TO AND/OR HELP TO MANAGE THE HOUSEHOLD FINANCES

June: TAKES PRIDE IN HER WORK & HER ROLE, RECOGNIZES HER VALUE, SELF-CONFIDENT; NOT A DOORMAT - SHE IS HONORED IN HER HOME, SHE AND HER FAMILY TEACH AND MODEL LOVE AND RESPECT BY EXAMPLE

This tells me 2 things: (1) God is a fan of working women (yay!) and (2) how we work, and how we approach work are both important components of being a Godly woman.  This is key to me as I feel led (sorry - Christianese there) to tailor this study to women who are single...working...preparing for marriage and children, looking for a man who recognizes/appreciates these traits, and in the meantime are striving to live each day as a Proverbs 31 woman. Not everyone reading this is single, but there are SO MANY resources out there for married women and moms - for a long time (like, the 31 years I was single?) God placed a burden on my heart to identify a roadmap for single women who were hoping to be Godly.  There are many messages bombarding single women these days, many of whom are praying & hoping for the opportunity to be a Godly wife/mom but who aren't there yet.  The world tells us that to get a Godly guy's attention, we need to be mysterious, sexy, independent (i.e. NOT DEPENDANT on ANYTHING - including our families, our jobs/callings, our faith, or on a prospective mate), spiritually mature, joyful, industrious, creative, and . There are awsesome books out there that speak to the Proverbs 31 "woman" - but from what I've seen, the context of that woman is that of wife and/or mother.  Some good examples:

Discovering the Treasures of  Godly Woman (Elizabeth George)

The Proverbs 31 Woman (Tiffany Chen)

The Excellent Wife (Martha Peace)

My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife (Sara Horn)

Princess Unaware (Brenda Garrison) - this book is actually VERY relevant to single women, the author is married with kids but she doesn't write from that perspective alone. 

 

The fact is, these days, many of us are single women with careers & goals that include but are not limited to the roles of wife and mother. Until 2 months ago, I was more concerned with being a Godly single career woman. Now, I'm married (for 2 months now - so barely married) and I'm incorporating that role into my goals.  But I have not forgotten the journey of my soul as a woman who was single & dating, working, going to school, maintaining a home, etc.  There is nothing in Proverbs 31 that says a woman with these characteristics is already a wife!  It says "A wife of Godly character, who can FIND?" -- in other words, the woman we're studying is an eligible bachelorette!  You're a princess, a daughter of the King...as a single princess, you are learning to be these things, and the prayer is that a man worthy of you is looking for these traits in you.  You do not have to -nor SHOULD you - wait until you have a partner or children to work on these traits.  The principles apply if your "work" is that of a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, an adminstrative assistant, or CPA.  They apply if your current key relationships are as daughter, sister, friend, or single mother.  They WORK (I think my Godly husband will agree that the main reasons he fell in love with me are my work ethic, my self-confidence, my energy, my love, my ability to express myself intelligently, and my committment to my faith - among other things).  I want to move away from the assumption that God's will can only be realized in us after He's given us a partner and/or kids.  In fact, I would argue that those things only complicate the endeavor -- let's learn now, as single women, or as women in dating relationships, or as women who are married without kids, how to be the WHOLE WOMAN that we're called to be in Proverbs 31.

Our noble and virtuous character flows naturally from what we know of our perfect Father, our King - as his offspring, as his princesses, we are enabled and encouraged to act as royalty. NOBLE.  VIRTUOUS.  Think of movies you've seen, books you've read - noble and virtuous princesses are IT! A princess is industrious (creative, proactive)...energetic (not lazy or boring)...reliable (not wishy-washy or inconsistent). She's joyful, she takes pride in who she is and what she stands for (even when TV shows and politicians and other worldly influences say that a "princess" is just a diva with pseudo-celebrity status who demands her own way & wears designer clothes).  Strength and honor clothe us - we look forward to the future (including BUT NOT LIMITED TO our roles as wives and mothers) with hope and joy. 

Next month I'll feature interviews with a couple of women who exemplify February's traits.  They have, at their core, enthusiasm & ability to plan ahead and prepare wisely for the future.  They've been this way since before they were married/mothers, and they'll confirm that they've seen RESULTS -- when they were single, planning & preparation helped them stay sane & "noble" in trying & stressful circumstances.  Now that they are married, they've seen how planning and preparation blesses them mentally & also helps their households & lives run smoothly.  Can't wait to share it all with you!

In the meantime...do YOU know your King? Do you know that you are not just a plain old woman on earth striving to be "better" or "happier" or "more organized?"  Do you know that GOD - your Father, your King - specifically enables you to be a woman of exceptional worth?  Do you know that even when your parents treat you like an irresponsible 14 year old, even when your boyfriend fails to praise your Godly attributes, even when your husband forgets to thank you for your efforts, that your King is sitting on His throne and smiling warmly as you approach him with your gifts?  When the world fails to acknowledge our worth, when humans fail to recognize our growth and our contributions, God is the ONE who sees and appreciates the strides we've made toward fulfilling our call.  Satisfy yourself with this knowledge:  If you scheduled a meeting ahead of time with your client to address the issues you think they need help with, God is pleased.  If you arrived on time to work today and gave 100% to your tasks, God is pleased.  If you scheduled your day so that you could have dinner on the table tonight or lunches made ahead for next week, God is pleased. If you have a date tonight and you have decided that you will wear something modest (yet attractive) to ensure that mister-mister's mind is on your words instead of your body, God is pleased.  If you can smile and say that today you KNOW Who you served....God is pleased.

But if you can't say those things, think about your relationship to your King.  God calls each of us to believe SOLELY in Him - and yes, this means that you count on Him for your salvation, you count on Him to forgive your sins and redeem you so that you can be with Him in heaven when you die - but TODAY it means that you look solely to Him for your worth and validation.  If you don't have a personal relationship with your Father, your King, I encourage you to pray today and ask Him to be the "Lord of your life."  In simple terms, that means you're inviting Him to live in and through you, to permeate every part of you with His divine & royal attributes, enabling you to see and understand His calling in your life - PERSONALLY. If you make this committment today, and mean it, your eyes and your soul and your heart will be opened in ways you cannot even imagine. And the rewards -- oh my goodness, the rewards!  Forget heaven -- I know that's just a big hypo for so many of you! - just think about the validation and the personal satisfaction to be realized TODAY - THIS WEEK - THIS YEAR - knowing that your efforts are recognized and rejoiced over by a perfect God!  We seek acknowledgement from our friends, our families, our boyfriends, our husbands, our bosses.  But human beings will never, ever confirm what God wants to confirm for you - that everything you do is worthwhile and meaningful!  Do you want that today?  Just pray this from your heart, to God:

"Lord, I know am your child - created, above all, to reflect your royal attributes and to honor & please you.  Thank you for loving me and for caring every day about who I am and what I do!  Please live in my heart and my soul, and help me to discern what you want me to do.  Thank you for giving me the Bible, your instruction book - help me to understand it and apply it to my life.  I want to live my life for you and spend forever with you in heaven."

Now you're on your way to "getting it."  Forget what other people say or don't say - they're just human beings.  God is the one we serve, and He's given us a book full of love letters, illustrations, stories, and applications to enable us to be PRINCESSES.  Let's go, girls!

And just for the record...it took me an embarassingly LONG TIME to recognize whose validation I was seeking.  I spent most of my twenties seeking the approval of friends, family, and most of all MEN - I knew that I wanted to be a wife/partner, but I fell for the lies I was letting myself believe - that a woman of worth was a woman who appeared to have it all together, who had a great body & who was independent ( which I interpreted to mean not dependant on ANYTHING - including God's standards) and who was not emotionally needy (which I interpreted to mean not needy in any way - of another person's input, of God's input, ANYTHING).  It took me a long time to realize that God's way is best, and that other people are doing the best they can to learn the same thing.  This is a no-judgment zone, but I encourage you to learn now, before experiencing  immeasurable heartache and pain, that God's way IS the most fulfilling way - and that looking to Him alone for validation and approval is the only way that we as women will experience the peace & fulfillment we seek.

xoxo

C

February: A Preview

Our Proverbs 31 gal "PLANS AHEAD, is a HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION."  That's what I'm trying to do for February's installment of this blog series! In banking, we all take the holidays seriously and let things slow down in December, so things are always busy at the start of the year.  This is great, because I'm getting a head start on practicing February's traits!  Every day there's a stressful crisis/crunch at work, and I've noticed that when they are unexpected, I have to go into "fireman" mode -- the result is that my family & friends get a "me" that is not so pleasant & peaceful.  So, it's worth my time to plan ahead, work hard, and wisely plan -- averting those crises & crunches if at all possible, and saving the people around me a little bit of headache too.

But...HOW?  Well, this will look different for different people.  For me, I need to get started on planning February's Proverbs 31 installment, I need to stay ahead of the game at the office, and I need to continue working hard in my relationships/daily personal life. I also need to "prepare" for all of the above by staying in God's word and focusing on what HE wants me to do and what HE wants me to be -- across the board. What is your "work?" For what potential circumstances are you called to plan & prepare? To what endeavors  are you supposed to be "giving your all?" Louse Viner, writing for Christ Church Central in Sheffield England, puts it this way:

"And what is work anyway? For many of us it is the office where we spend much of our time doing a lot of mundane tasks in order to pay the bills and support our families - or pay for the next holiday. For others of us it is hours spent studying with the aim of launching a good career. For mothers like me it can involve standing at the till in Tesco's or at the school gate in the pouring rain or cleaning up vomit - for which no one pays me anything - but it's a job nonetheless! The fact is that most of us for much of life have to perform certain tasks with boring regularity whether paid or unpaid."

I don't know what Tesco's is, but I think I get it.  Prepare for the mundane & expected - that's work, & as boring and uninspiring as it sometimes feels, it still requires dedication & preparation. The good news is that when we approach those mundane everyday tasks with planning & strategy/dedication, they can take on a new light -- our success rates increase, we feel super, we are more pleasant to be around, and we have more time/energy to spare!

And as far as hard work paying off goes, Thomas Jefferson famously quipped, "I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."

Audrey Hepburn gave us the Hollywood perspective when she said "I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it."

Sometimes, when things go smoothly, it might seem like luck - but I challenge you to start noticing how the "luck" you experience is tied to the plans you've made.  Isn't there a correlation?  What is it?  And if you feel like you are trying "like mad" to cope with the surprises thrown at you, channel Audrey & give it your best.  Nobody expects you to be perfect.  But also look outside of that frantic coping attempt and say to yourself "what could I have done to avert that crisis?  Could I do that next time, and get a better result?" 

The Bible says that we are all priests.  This does not mean that we all work at churches and people come to us to confess sins - "priests" means that we are equipped to speak to God directly & thus to serve him as believers through every facet of every day - every task, every conversation, every heartache, every crisis & joy.  It also means we are equipped to be leaders, speaking to God on behalf of other people, of the WORLD.  How? One way is through prayer, which I believe is one of the most valuable & powerful ways to wisely plan ahead!  As women who are also priests/leaders -- at work, in your home, at church, or in your relationships -- we are called to wisely prepare even beyond that.  Kenneth Boa, in his study entitled "Long Range Planning," says "...looking ahead into the future, that great unknown, is an essential characteristic of effective leadership. Although, as a leader, you may not possess a crystal ball to foretell what the future will bring, you can and should be planning for what it may bring."

To prepare for February, I'm going to look at a woman in the Bible who worked hard, planned ahead and averted crises/stress with wise preparation.  Rebekah went above and beyond the call of duty & drew water for camels in Genesis.  I'll also turn to a passage in Matthew, chapter 25, where we read of the ten bridesmaids preparing for the arrival of the bridegroom.  This is a great illustration of "big picture" preparation -- we are not only working hard and wisely planning so that the bills are paid on tiem and the boss gets his reports by end of day.  We are also preparing, as Christians, for the return of our King!  What does that look like?  We'll find out.

I'll also touch on 2 Chronicles 10:8, which says “But Rehoboam rejected their advice and consulted the young advisers who served him, with whom he had grown up.” 

Rehoboam was Solomon's son, a young man with unharnessed natural abilities to lead. In the height of his prosperity as king, he turned into a moral failure. He serves as a sad illustration that one’s character, already formed, is a powerful factor in all emergencies of choice and decision. For Rehoboam, his lack of biblical wisdom led him to reject the advice of the elders when it mattered most. There was no discipline in the Lord in his life - no preparation for Biblical decision making - and he lost out because of it. His lack of readiness cost him the blessings of God’s kingdom.

The Scriptures exhorts each believer to “train yourself for godliness” (1 Tim. 4:7).

As Darin Smith writes, "Can I ask you today how you are preparing yourself in godliness today? Are you disciplining your body for the glory of God (1 Cor. 9:27)? Have you desire for God to “both to will and to do for His good pleasure” in your life (Phil. 2:13)? Remember, you are not magically or instantaneously sanctified to the place of being like Christ. It is a lifelong struggle. But for the sake and glory of God, may we learn to submit all decisions, thoughts, motives, actions, intentions, and words to the One who is able to divide truth from sinful error."

Would you commit today to running your first-ever marathon next weekend?  No, you'd want at least a few months to train.  But the truth is that any day we could get blindsided by something we didn't get a chance to "prepare" for.  Cancer.  Pregnancy.  Work deadline.  Job loss.  And we need to prepare our hearts and minds to recognize God's voice & guidance in the midst of those trials.  We won't always be ready for the next play in the game, but we can start getting to know the Coach today so we're ready to follow his lead when crises come along.

Looking forward to February! In short, we'll talk about preparing for everyday practical tasks, planning for Christ's return, and averting crises/stress/failure with hard work & preparation.  Can't wait!

 

xoxo

C

 

Not-So-Gourmet Recipe Day: Guilt-free Chicken Pot Pie

Warning:  If you're looking for a gourmet version of this classic, you will not find that recipe here.  This is basic, use-what's-in-the-pantry, lazy-cook comfort food.  I'm not even trying to be "semi-homemade" here.   Now that we're all clear on that...

I'm estimating the calorie count for one serving (~1.5 cups) of this to be around 350 calories.  That's not too bad - just serve it with salad or fruit, fill up on that good stuff too, and let this just be part of your meal, not the whole meal.  Otherwise it's realllllllly easy to eat 3 cups of pot pie, which is just...too much...unless you're a football player.  :)

It's cold here in SA right now & kind of cozy (unless, of course, you are allergic to mountain cedar like my honey is - in which case you're miserable, not "cozy").  Whether you're feeling cozy or miserable, it's not a bad idea to turn back to the old favorites - but the hard part is the calories most of those favorites pack!  Have you ever noticed the per-serving calorie counts on dishes like lasagna, creamy casseroles, roast beef with potatoes, fried chicken...or pot pie? Well, it's easy to blow your diet with just one meal, unless you get creative and learn to mimic the richness of those original recipes with other lighter, cleaner ingredients. That's what I set out to do with pot pie.

I was craving that creamy consistency, the green peas (one of my fave veggies) and most of all, the flaky, buttery biscuit topping. I know some people would prefer pie crust but I like a thicker topping that soaks in the creamy sauce, so I'm a biscuit girl all the way. I found a base recipe and decided to play around with it a little bit. Here's what I did, and it turned out so much better than I'd even hoped. I always feel a little silly using cornstarch to thicken a sauce - it seems like a "real" chef would make a nice roux and do other things to get the desired result - but I didn't want to use flour in the dish so cornstarch is next-best. I supplemented with pureed sweet potatoes as a thickener & natural, subtle sweetener -- and to my surprise, the result was really divine.

Give it a shot.

 

 

 

Chicken Pot Pie (Serves 4 - takes approx 1 hour)

- 2 cups baby carrots

- 1/2 onion (red or white) chopped

- 2 tsp garlic powder (or minced garlic)

- 1 tsp. fresh thyme or 1/4 tsp. dried

- 1 tsp TrueLemon lemon powder or fresh lemon juice

- 1/2 cup dry white wine

- 2 cups low sodium chicken broth

- 2 bay leaves

- 1 small jar of pureed sweet potato (I used...yes...baby food! or, puree 1 cup of cooked sweet potato chunks in a food processor with a drop or two of honey)

- 2 cups cooked chicken - I have to be honest, I sometimes use canned drained white meat chicken in dishes like this. I think it tastes great, but you can cook your own, or get a rotisserie chicken from the store & use the meat from that!)

- 1 tbsp cornstarch

- 1.5 cup frozen peas

- 1 cup skim milk

- 2 tsp dried parsley

- pinch salt and ground black pepper

- 1 recipe for 9 Bisquick biscuits, made and rolled out to the size/shape of the baking dish you're using

1. Heat oven to 425 degrees.

2. Drizzle some olive oil in a pan with high sides. Combine carrots, onion, bay leaves, garlic powder, thyme, lemon powder (or juice), and salt in the pan. Cook until the onions are getting translucent and the carrots are starting to look darker. Add the chicken broth and pureed sweet potatoes & simmer until the carrots are getting soft on the outside. Stir in white wine & bring back to a simmer.

3. While the veggie/liquid mixture cooks down and concentrates, whisk the cornstarch into the milk and athen dd to the simmering pot. Simmer until the mixture is really thick, then turn off heat.

4. Take out the bay leaf, stir in the peas, chicken, and parsley and season to taste with salt and pepper.

5. Pour the filling into a baking dish (I used a Le Creuset 8" stoneware gratin dish...because we are only 2 people and this recipe is just enough for, like 4 people.) Top the dish off with your biscuit crust (it should be no more than 1/2 inch thick). It should be the size & shape of your dish, so just lay it right on top of the filling.  I brush the top with milk and sprinkle salt, pepper, garlic powder, & parsley on top - you can get creative, use whatever you want.

6. Bake on the middle rack until the crust is golden brown and the sauce is bubbly... 20-25 minutes. Serve with fruit or a green salad!

As a bonus, I'll give you my recipe for canteloupe, which I served on the side - it's delish! At least I think so.  I accidently used too much vinegar last night (sorry, husband) but the version below is accurate...

Canteloupe Salad (serves 2)

1/2 canteloupe, rinds removed & flesh cut into 1" pieces

1 tbsp white wine vinegar or champagne vinegar

1/2 tsp pepper

1/2 tsp dry basil

1/4 tsp salt

- Mix all the ingredients together & serve! Room temp is best for canteloupe, in my opinion...

Happy winter!  Keep each other warm and be kind to everyone - it's rough out there.

 

xoxo

Stop your "wining," I'm building a bar! - How to turn a bookcase into a bar.

I like books.  You know what I like with my books?  A nice glass of red wine. But until today, I had loads of books on shelves, organized by color (I know, that's silly) yet I had nowhere to store/display/organize all that delicious wine!

UNTIL I TURNED A BOOKSHELF INTO A BAR.

I was inspired by a post on pinterest, where a girl had turned a low set of shelves into a bar - it was a cute idea, but I needed something sizable to fill the wall where I wanted my bar to go!  And it couldn't cost a lot, either. We just got married and the "budget" is TBD but I'm pretty sure I don't get to spend $500 on a bar.  So, I got creative.

First, I found a bookshelf online that wouldn't break the bank and that appeared to have shelves that were removable. This is the "Vintage Park" bookcase, bought from HomeDecorators.com.  Originally $269, with a promo for free shipping + 10% off, with another promo for $50 off an order of $200, the thing cost me just $192. 

I looked at Goodwill first, and on Craigslist, but I didn't see anything that looked "right" for this project -- plus, I wanted to avoid having to cart a big bookshelf from a store or someone else's home to my garage -- the free shipping promo was a real lifesaver with this purchase!

It arrived this week in a huge box of parts and although I know my sweet husband could and would assemble it for me, I realize that things like this aren't quite as "fun" for him as they are for me, and I set it aside for the wkend.  He went to work this morning, and I bounced out of bed to get started on my project! 

Step 1: Take the parts out of the box.

Step 2: Stare at awful instructions & wonder what the photos mean.

Step 3: Wing it!  Put shelves in slots (leaving out one shelf, the 2nd one from the top) and prepare to attach the front frame.

Step 4: But wait!  The top shelf will have a wine & glass rack underneath it!  Must attach it (thank you, Blaines, for the present!). Abby wanted to play SO badly...but hush, mama's working...

Step 5: Put the front frame onto the unit, and secure it (this effectively "locks" the shelves into their slots - that's why I put the wine rack onto the shelf BEFORE locking the shelves in...).  Blurry photo.  I think I was shaking with happiness or something. :)

Step 6: Lights!  I bought these wireless LED lights on amazon.com for $10 - they just attach to the bottom of the shelf, behind the wine rack, with super-strong sticky-back velcro!

And VOILA! It's finished!  Took me about an hour and a half to put it all together, start to finish.  Ah, so satisfying.  It's super lightweight, so I moved it inside all by myself!  

BUT FIRST...for context...

Here's the wall where it's going to go - in it's prior config, I had a console table with a plethora of mercury glass baubles all over & a triptych art grouping above...

Now....there's a lovely bar!

 

Like that sign?  Another gift - thank you Jenny!

Let's decorate!

 

 

You may recognize other gifts on display, ones that you've given us for our wedding, or Christmas, our engagement, etc.  THANK YOU, you know who you are! :)  Drew's scotch decanter is on display here too - I opted NOT to display our cheap tequila, creme de menthe, cooking sherry, & Kahlua - those are best left in cupboards for now.

That's it for today!  I should probably go do something relaxing now, after all that hard work. Maybe I'll read a book. Is 12:45pm too early for a glass of wine?

KIDDING.

Sausage, Zucchini Flowers, & Tenderloin Thieves

Our local grocery store, HEB, is awesome.  A few weeks ago they had a "meal deal" (buy one thang, get others free) for free tortillas, cheese, & salsa when you bought an 8 pack of smoked sausage (I chose regular - not mesquite). 

 DONE!  I used the tortillas/cheese/salsa for other things...gave 2 sausages to a homeless dude along with other nutritious items...and then decided to make a manly meal of "red beans & rice" with the rest of the sausage.  That was weeks ago, and on our kitchen list of potential meals, sausage/beans/rice has been an option ever since.  I've been baking, cooking, eating so many holiday foods that this poor lil meal went overlooked....until tonight!  And I decided to make it in the slow cooker with a hodgepodge of what I had on hand.

Fortunately...it turned out to be DIVINE! A real hit around here, at least -- and with some sneaky veg additions, it made me feel like we'd won the gold medal for hearty healthy food.  Check it out:

In a slow cooker (with a liner - what genius invented these, btw?  please tell him/her I'd love to eat movie nachos together as a gesture of deepest gratitude!)

 Ingredients:

• 1 can pinto beans with jalapeno
• 1 large can red kidney beans
• 1 can ranch-style black beans
• 1 can of zucchini flowers, chopped (wha? I'll get to this)
• 6 links of smoked sausage, sliced into 1/4 inch rounds
• 1 tbsp minced garlic
• 1/2 tbsp dried oregano
• 1/2 tbsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 c water
• salt & pepper - liberally, to taste

Drain the beans, except for the ranch style black beans - they're not really drainable.  Add everything to the pot at the same time, meaning "in whatever order works for you." I tend to add the easy stuff first, then I chop & add the choppy stuff.  Speaking of choppy stuff - anyone weirded out by the addition of "zucchini flower?" I would be!  I've had a can of this stuff in my pantry for months.  I think I read somewhere that it's delicious & tastes great fried.  I probably saw this Tyler Florence recipe for how to make them. I'm easily persuaded.

So whatever, I bought a can.  It was in the "international foods" section with the Mexican foods.  Cost like $.89 and was weird looking but strangely alluring.  Zucchini flower?  What will it TASTE like?  Well, I wanted to add something mild to my redbeansandricewithsausage, and for some reason I thought that zucchini flower might work.

I also have ADD, so waiting months before using something in my pantry was both completely normal & maddening at the same time.  I may have bought it on impulse in early 2011, with no time or real plan for how to use it, but today, all of the sudden....I HAD TO USE IT IN SOMETHING OR I'D GO CRAZY!  If you are also ADD, you know what I mean.

Anywho. I popped open that little tin, and beheld some little pods with fronds, pods that appeared to have hairs on them!

Heck to the no!

But they beckoned.  And I, feeling suddenly very brave and adventuresome, decided that my commitment to these little babies must continue.  I NIBBLED ONE.  And y'all...it was good.  It was so good.  Not pickled, not hairy-feeling (just pleasently...spiny?) and mild yet zucchini-y. I chopped them!  I added them to the slow-cooker!  And I fed them to my husbun!!!!

After he raved over the dish (such a good husbun) I informed him that he UNWITTINGLY had consumed zucchini flower!  The source of FOLATE & POTASSIUM!  According to the interwebs, "at the tips of the growing zucchini are large pumpkin colored flowers. These zucchini-connected flowers are the female flowers of the zucchini plant. In equal amounts are zucchini-less flowers which are the male flowers needed for pollination. The important thing is that when harvesting flowers, harvest only the males and leave a few behind to pollinate the females."   So fellas, just FYI - these are MALE flowers.  They BELONG in a manly sausage & beans mess.

They start out looking like this:

 

And then they look like this...

 

And finally, in the can, they look like this:

 

Anyway, I snuck 'em into my red beans & rice.  And they didn't taste funny, they didn't taste like much at ALL - they were just a little bit of veggie wonderful!

Cook all that stuff on low for 8 hours or so.  You'll know when it's ready. Then serve it over hot cooked rice to someone you love!

 

xoxo

CATHERINE

Oh, and Erin?  You'll have to tell ME what to do with leftover tenderloin.  My crafty dogs nabbed mine off the kitchen counter while D & I were at Lowes - this is where my beef is now:

Holiday Leftovers!

If you're like me, you have a mom who is like Barefoot Contessa on steroids.

No?

Well, my mom IS LIKE Barefoot Contessa on steroids. Every year at Christmas she hosts our entire family AND makes a meal fit for a king (or 40 kings) -- the fringe benefit, of course, being that I get a LOT of leftover homemade food to play with.  This year, the holiday menu of Mama C was:

1. Beef tenderloin (a perfect, PERFECT medium rare)  with gravy or horseradish cream
2. Broccoli gratin
3. Squash gratin
4. Artichoke hearts with capers
5. Fruit salad

And that, folks, is what's piled up in my freezer now!  So, what to do with it all?  Well, I'd love to make mini beef wellingtons with that beef tenderloin...or maybe stir fry...or just salad toppings. The broccoli gratin will be used in a traditional broccoli-chicken-cheese-rice casserole for my husband (who has professed a love for such a dish) and the artichokes with capers will be used to stuff ravioli (I got a ravioli maker for Christmas!!). The squash?  Well, the squash will be used somehow.  Maybe to stuff ravioli too. But we'll start with the artichoke hearts, shall we?  I am using the artichoke hearts bake that my mom sent home with me as a filling, but you can make your own. This is via Smitten Kitchen at http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/01/artichoke-gaga/

Artichoke Ravioli with Tomatoes...

For pasta:

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 tablespoons water

For filling:

• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 1 small onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
• 1 (10-ounce) box frozen artichoke hearts, thawed and patted dry
• 1 ounce finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (1/2 cup)
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
• 1 large egg yolk
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 3/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1 large egg white, lightly beaten with 2 teaspoons water (for egg wash)

For assembly:

• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 3 medium plum tomatoes, trimmed and cut into 1/4-inch dice (3/4 cup)
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/3 cup heavy cream
• 1 ounce finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (1/2 cup)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

 

• Special equipment: a pasta machine; a 3-inch round metal cookie cutter; a shallow oval 2-quart ceramic or glass

Proverbs 31 Project: The Next Episode

In 2010 I started blogging about Prov. 31 traits, and got through the first three - then Mr. S proposed that we marry, and that TOTALLY threw me for a loop!  After finishing my posts about January's trait, I started wedding planning, and lost touch with reality for 9 months -- but, now I'm married, and my new husband is encouraging me to pick up where I left off.

Clearly he just wants me to stop making trips to the mall with registry gift cards in hand & a hungry look in my eyes.

But he's right, it IS time to regroup.

Here's what I wrote last OCTOBER (ohmygoodnesslastOctober):

"For the next 12 months, I'm going to focus on one of these character traits per month, and blog about it.  The goal of course is to build trait upon trait, not to abandon one and adopt another each month. Each month I'll also read a book about that month's particular trait, just to reinforce my thought processes and to inspire me re: practical ways to incorporate the trait into my character & my life.

There are 17 points in the passage, but some are so similar that they are easy to combine into one principle, and that's what I'll do in 5 cases.

November: NOBLE & VIRTUOUS CHARACTER (SET A FIRM FOUNDATION!)

December: RELIABLE, RESPONSIBLE IN WORK; ORGANIZED, ENERGETIC, INDUSTRIOUS

January: RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE IN CHARACTER; JOYFUL, STRENGTH & HONOR ARE THEMES IN HER LIFE & SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO THE FUTURE WITH HOPE & JOY

February: PLANS AHEAD, HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION

March: GOES THE EXTRA MILE FOR QUALITY & MEANINGFULNESS, NOT AFRAID OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE OR INCONVENIENCE

April: SETS THE PACE AT HOME AND AT WORK, MANAGES PEOPLE AND TIME RESPONSIBLY; HER EFFORTS AND INDUSTRIOUSNESS CONTRIBUTE TO AND/OR HELP TO MANAGE THE HOUSEHOLD FINANCES

May: LOGICAL, ANALYZES WISELY BEFORE MAKING DECISIONS, DEPENDABLY WISE; KNOWN AS A SOURCE OF SOUND ADVICE

June: TAKES PRIDE IN HER WORK & HER ROLE, RECOGNIZES HER VALUE, SELF-CONFIDENT; NOT A DOORMAT - SHE IS HONORED IN HER HOME, SHE AND HER FAMILY TEACH AND MODEL LOVE AND RESPECT BY EXAMPLE

July: WELL-READ, ABLE TO EXPRESS HERSELF INTELLIGENTLY, TACTFULLY & DIPLOMATICALLY; DEVELOPS SKILLS & TALENTS THROUGH EDUCATION & DILIGENT APPLICATION

August: CARES FOR OTHERS, SERVES THE POOR & NEEDY IN A TANGIBLE & MEANINGFUL WAY

September: HAS HIGH STANDARDS FOR HER PERSONAL APPEARANCE, CARRIES HERSELF WITH DIGNITY, GRACE, & FEMININITY

October: SUPPORTS HER MAN & MAKES IT EASY FOR HIM TO LIVE HONORABLY & FULFILL HIS DUTIES, MAKES HIM LOOK GOOD

The end notes to the passage really wrap things up nicely, and are just as meaningful as the points themselves.  Graham observes:

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." High praise for this extraordinary woman — a role model for women of all time.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Here is the key to this woman’s effectiveness. Her priorities are determined by God’s will, not her own. She is concerned about what God thinks, rather than with what other people think.

Physical beauty and clever conversation are admirable qualities. But if a woman’s beauty and charm are the extent of her virtues, what happens when time and the trials of life take their toll? This woman does not depend on beauty and charm for her success. She recognizes her need for God.

"Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." This woman is actively doing, not merely talking. She does not boast about her plans for the future or her successes of the past. They are obvious."

That was on October 18, 2010, written here. Then I blogged about November here, here , here and  here, December here & here, and January here and here.  And I wrote a list for dudes (taken from Paul's letters to Timothy) here.

What I'd like to do this year is to pick up where I left off.  But this time, I want to get more organized.  I've had some time to learn more about available resources and to pray about where God wants it to go.  I may do some interviews, invite some people to guest-post about topics, I may even manage to recommend books to go along with each topic.  But the main goal for me is going to be CONSISTENCY.  I am too easily distracted (or as I call it, "otherwise inspired") and if nothing else comes of this Proverbs 31 project it will be enough for me if I can use it to develop focus & consistency in my walk with Christ & commitment to what He gives me to do. I also want to exercise BREVITY - not every thought or insight needs to be posted on this blog - just enough to get you and I thinking & praying about who the Bible says we are & how God says we can become like Him.

I still challenge you to do this with me, and I ask you to weigh in, to comment & share with your friends who can correct me or fill in gaps or maybe benefit from the exploration of this topic!

During January I'll be structuring this study to fit a more clear and concise plan - almost like chapters in a book.  In February, I'll kick off with posts about February's character trait.  Our Proverbs 31 gal "PLANS AHEAD, is a HARD WORKER, AVERTS CRISES & STRESSFUL CRUNCHES WITH WISE PREPARATION."

And because I know you want to see photos... :) here's one of our engagement shots.

And just a couple of wedding pics...

Love love,

A Man is Moving In (Part II)

As my impending marriage approaches, I continue to laugh/worry/bury my head in the sand re:the implications of a man moving into my space.  I'm so tickled that he will be joining the household - but I am also ever more aware of my "bad roommate" tendancies.  I've lived alone for the past 7 years (with a brief roommate stint in there for 1 year) and I am set in my ways.

This week has revealed some interesting things for both of us.  Well, I feel they're revealing, but if you ask him, he'd probably already forgotten about them.  Because he's a dude.

I decided to turn my office into a space-for-two. I ordered a desk that accomodates chairs on both sides and has plenty of surface area, I got the ok from my mom to paint the two on-loan bookcases white, and I ordered a file cabinet to match the desk, provide added surface area, & house files, printer, etc. I made a bulletin board the size of a wall and covered it in gorgeous taffeta upholstery fabric.  Everything is coming together nicely so I drag D into the room to explain my vision.  This is our conversation:

Me: "So, here's the desk and everything and..."

D: "I think eventually we will want to move the desk against the wall and make more space here in the middle of the room."

Me: "Well, that's kind of counter-productive.  The desk is this way so that both of us can work at it simultaneously."

D: "How often do you think we'll do that?"

Me: "Well I don't know, but I want to leave my laptop and papers on the desk when I'm not working in here, and I bet you do too.  So we need 2 separate work spaces.  Either 2 desks, or one desk that we can share.  This room is tiny, so I went with one big desk."

D: "Well, if it were up to me, I'd say get rid of those bookcases. How often do you come in and get a book?"

Me: "Not very often, but I don't want to get rid of all my books. So I'd have to store them somewhere else."

D: "Well, the bookcases are really just decorative then."

Me: "Kind of, but even if I stored all the books in the closet I'd still need some storage space and shelves in here.  Why get rid of great bookcases and have to go buy some other storage solution? I will just paint these white, they'll look almost like built-ins. I'll keep things in baskets or something on the shelves, it'll look neat."

D: "Hey, that's just me.  I am practical & minimalist, you are decorative & creative."

And, SCENE.  This happens every so often when I propose some kind of room re-do or furntiture change-up.  And we're not even living together yet. D is really sweet and great about this stuff, even though he doesn't 100% understand or agree with my approach.  He knows I'm trying to make this OUR space instead of just MINE, and he appreciates that.  I in turn absolutely welcome his minimalist, anti-junk philosophies.  I want to learn to live more simply.  But this will take some time, folks!

When it comes to how you decorate & accessorize your home, how much does your significant other weigh in on the details of a purchase or project?  Do you see eye-to-eye & work side-by-side or is it an exercise in sacrifice and patience for both? 

I do have to give a big shout-out to D for building the desk and finishing the file cabinet for me.  And with only a few snippy comments and only a small resulting mess on the living room floor. :)

He's going to like the finished product, too!  Photos to be posted of that office re-do, by the way...

 

"Office & Linen Closet Re-do" (or) "A Man Is Moving In, Part I"

I am getting a husband in a few months, and he arrives with some stuff attached.  While sometimes I'm not sure whether he uses ANY toiletries, I do believe that he brings with him:

1 toothbrush

1 toothpaste

1 shampoo/conditioner

1 hair product

1 sunscreen

(I don't think he'll be contributing his bath towels to the mix, don't really think we WANT them actually, but I haven't seen them so I'm reserving judgment).

The toiletries will take up roughly 6 square inches of space, BUT in an effort to be accomodating, I decided to clear some substantial space in the bathroom closet.  Also, it was a wreck, and embarassing to look at.  Selfishly, I do hope the husband will both put away and fetch things like bath towels & bedsheets when needed, so making them easy for him to find is important.

So, I started with THIS mess:

 

And one hour later (while on conference calls - multitasking, woot!) this is what I've accomplished:

 

A few weeks ago, I tackled an even bigger project, and I cleaned out the OFFICE (aka Room For Things That Don't Belong Anywhere).

It started out like this:

And at the end of one afternoon, I have this!

 

Now the challenge that lays ahead is this:

1. make it cuter - starting with a new desk, going from there

2. make it more functional (different desk, perhaps different room arrangement, organize the closet in this room more efficiently, etc).

What other spaces should I tackle that I may not have thought of yet? I did re-organize my walk-in master closet a few months ago...I THINK he'll have enough room for his clothes & shoes...but I could stand to do some more work in there too. :)